Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says hospitality isn’t optional.
Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Whether you are married or single, whether you have your own home or you share an apartment with some other women, whether you’re rich or poor, you have a mandate to be hospitable.
Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Gratitude, for April 18, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.
As we’ve seen this week, Jesus showed hospitality to those around Him, and it couldn’t have been easy. He was single. He didn’t have a permanent home, and He lived in a hot desert climate. But instead of making excuses, He obeyed His Father. Let’s find out how to do the same. Here’s Nancy.
Nancy: We've been talking about the ministry of hospitality, and how as we extend hospitality to others, as we open our hearts and our homes to others, we become a reflection of the hospitable heart of God and of the heart of Christ who came into this world. And though He was not received, He came to receive us. He asks us to receive Him and then to receive others as He has received us.
Now, when we think about hospitality, it's easy to think of certain people who come to our minds who are just really natural hosts. I mean, you know the kind of person I'm talking about. Their home is just kind of a constant bed and breakfast.
They're always having people in. They make it seem so easy. Their house never gets dirty. Their linens are always clean. They always have fresh flowers sitting on the bed stand for any guests who just might happen to come by. They just have this home that sparkles and this heart that sparkles. We think of that kind of person.
If you're like me and these things don't come as naturally, you tend to think, Well, that's good. They have the gift of hospitality . . . but I don't! I want us to see from God's Word that the ministry of hospitality is not just for some specially gifted people.
Now, thank the Lord for those people! My mother is one of them. She loved hospitality. She is wonderful at it. She's a gracious hostess. I grew up in a home where this was modeled. But I'm glad that I don't have to be as natural as she is and as some other women that I know.
It's important for us to understand from the Scripture that all of us are to practice hospitality, that we have a biblical mandate to be hospitable.
Now, there are different ways that we can do this. Some people will specialize in different kinds of hospitality. It's important not to look at someone else in the way that they exercise hospitality and to feel that you have to do it exactly that way. But in our hearts we are all to have a heart of hospitality and to be extending the kindness and the grace and the mercy of God to others. Hospitality is for every Christian, in every culture, in every era.
Carl Henry was a well-known theologian of the past generation. He said,
Christian hospitality is not a matter of choice; it is not a matter of money; it is not a matter of age, social standing, sex, or personality. Christian hospitality is a matter of obedience to God.
A matter of obedience to God. Whether you are married or single, whether you have your own home or you share an apartment with some other women, whether you're rich or poor, you have a mandate to be hospitable.
I think of a couple I know who extended great hospitality to people over the years. The wife died not too long ago, and it's been a beautiful thing to see how this husband with four children has continued the ministry of hospitality as a widower.
You'd think that if there'd be anybody who could say, "Well, now is not the season for us to be hospitable," that he could have that excuse. He's demonstrated, as have others that I know, that there's no excuse, no good excuse for not having a hospitable heart.
I want us today to look at two verses in the New Testament that talk to us about this mandate to practice hospitality and show us that this really is a matter of obedience.
First of all we come to Romans chapter 12. Now, to put this in context, Paul begins in verse 1 of chapter 12 by saying, "Present your bodies [as] a living sacrifice . . . to God" (NKJV).
The key to exercising all these biblical exhortations is, first of all, to give yourself totally to God, to consecrate yourself and all that you are and all that you have to God. Then our hospitality and other acts of love will be an outworking of that surrendered life.
Now, beginning in verse 9 of Romans chapter 12, Paul says, "Let love be without hypocrisy." Love each other in a pure way, without hypocrisy, not just saying you love each other, but actually loving each other.
"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love" (v. 10). Be tender with each other. Be kind to each other. Have a brotherly love for each other because you're members of the same family.
So, take care of each other. Look out for each other. He says, "Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another" (v. 10). Be humble with each other, lift each other up. Say to the other person, "You matter to me."
And then he goes on to say specifically how we do that, "distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality" (v. 13). Distributing to the needs of saints and given to hospitality.
This is not an option. This is a direction. Love each other. Be kindly affectionate to each other. Prefer one another above yourself. Distribute to the needs of others, and be given to hospitality (see vv. 9–13).
Some of your translations may say, "practicing hospitality." Actually the word here in the original language is stronger than either of those translations. It's a word that means "to pursue," "to strive for something." It suggests vigorous effort, something that you go about with intentionality. You determine to be hospitable. You pursue hospitality.
One Greek scholar translates it this way, "Practice hospitality with enthusiasm. Be eager to show hospitality."
So, this is not something we stumble into, or we happen to do if we wake up and feel like it, it's something we are purposeful about. We think about it. We pray about it. We plan for it. We prepare for it. We look for opportunities to extend hospitality.
Do you pursue hospitality? Are you intentional about it? Or do you just do it on holidays and special occasions when it's expected? Is hospitality for you a way of life? Paul says, "Pursue hospitality."
Now, in 1 Peter chapter 4, we get another little insight into how we are to be hospitable. First Peter chapter 4, beginning in verse 7, Peter says, "The end of all things is at hand. Therefore . . ." In light of the lateness of the hour and the shortness of time, therefore there are some things you're supposed to do. "Therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers." Be spiritually on your toes, be alert. And "above all things," considering the lateness of the hour, "have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins."
Isn't it interesting that he says, "The time is growing late"? It's a time of persecution. It's a time when we're anticipating the return of Christ. We're facing hostility, growing hostility from the world. And he says, "In light of this," what are you supposed to do?"
You'd think he'd say, "Go out and evangelize, or go out and write papers about why the gospel is true." Those things are good, but I think he's saying, "The way you do that is by loving one another. That's the way you make the gospel believable in our generation. Have fervent love for one another."
Now, how do we do that? "Be hospitable to one another, without grumbling" (NKJV). I wish he would have just finished the sentence after "be hospitable to one another" because I think maybe I could manage that. But when he adds that little phrase "without grumbling," I really get tripped up.
But I'm glad it's there, because it shows me what God's heart is as it relates to hospitality.
Now, what is he saying here? We're supposed to be fervent in our love. A practical way of expressing that is to open our hearts, open our homes to others, be hospitable to one another.
This is one of the "one anothers" of Scripture. It's a great study some time to go through the Scripture and see all the things we're supposed to do or be for one another in the Body of Christ.
We're supposed:
- To love one another
- To pray for one another
- To serve one another
- To admonish one another
- To edify one another
- To care for one another
- To bear one another's burdens
Do you know that through fulfilling this command to be hospitable to one another, we can fulfill all those other "one anothers"?
It's in the context of my home that I've had wonderful opportunities to love others, to serve them, to encourage them, to admonish them, to bear their burdens. It's in our homes, not standing in the aisle after church, that we have the greatest opportunity to really practice the "one anothers" of Scripture.
And then he says to show hospitality to one another. "Be hospitable to one another without grumbling." Or some of your translations say, "without complaint." I went and looked up that word in the original language; it's the word gongusmos, the word from which we get our word "gong." Do it without "gonging."
Be hospitable. It's one of those onomatopoeic words that sounds like what it means. Do it without murmuring, without muttering, without grumbling. It means to say something in a low tone. It's usually done privately rather than publicly.
I think about that word gongusmos, gonging, muttering under my breath. I have to plead guilty so many times. I think about hospitality. I think I have in many cases opened my home but with "gonging," with murmuring, with muttering.
"How much there is to do. How hard it is to get ready for this. What an effort this is and all I've got to do. I can't believe the mess they made. I can't believe what they did down in the basem*nt. The kids didn't pick up after themselves," kind of under my breath.
Now, I would never say that to my company, but I've said it to myself. And I've said it to others.
Scripture calls us not only to be pursuing hospitality, to be intentional in our efforts toward hospitality; but when we do it, to do it without "gonging," without murmuring, without muttering.
Instead, we're to do it gladly, with a cheerful spirit. In this way, hospitality becomes a form of giving. And what kind of "giver" does God love? A "cheerful giver."
The word means "hilarious." The one who is delighted to do this. Yes, it involves sacrifice. Yes, it is hard work. Yes, I've had the experience of coming home at 6:30 when my company got there at 6:00. But I had something come up at work, and they beat me there!
Yes, sometimes it does create pressure. But, oh to ask God to give us a heart that is cheerful in our hospitality.
Say, "Lord, I will pursue hospitality, and by the filling of Your Spirit within me, I will do it without murmuring, without complaining, without grumbling but with joy," because I know that God loves a cheerful giver.
Father, help us to be intentional as we pursue hospitality, to look for opportunities to serve others, to open our hearts, to open our homes, and to express Your love.
And Lord, forgive us for the times when we've extended hospitality with murmuring, with muttering, without enthusiasm; doing it as something we had to do rather than considering it as a privilege.
May we be cheerful givers, and may we show to others as we extend hospitality the way that You fervently love us, and may they know Your love through our hospitality. I pray in Jesus' name, amen.
Dannah: That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. She’s been reminding us that everyone is called to show hospitality in some way. Now, I do know the way the Lord wants you to show hospitality might look different in different seasons of life. But, I want to caution all of us against too quickly making excuses or finding reasons why we are the one exempt person who doesn’t need to show hospitality.
Erin Davis explored this question with a group of friends. She was filming part of the six-week video series that goes along with this teaching. Erin visited four single young women over lunch. We’re about to hear from Katie Laitkep, Hannah Claggett, Jennifer Duffy, and Joanna Yi.
Katie Laitkep: So, when it comes to hospitality, what are some of the challenges that y’all face, when inviting people over?
Jennifer Duffy: Apartment parking! (group laughter) Yes, it’s real! The space, living in an apartment, especially being alone as a woman. I have my living room; only so many people come, but it always works out. We’ve done a few game nights and people just sit on the floor, and it makes it more fun anyway.
Joanna Yi: Houston’s so big. I live kind of centrally, but not very central, so then I sometimes feel bad. I’m opening up to everybody, but maybe one person in our friend group lives really far away, and everybody else comes.
Also, I don’t have a lot of seating, so I’ve thought about, “I can fit eight people on my couch, and I have two spare chairs, and that’s all.” It’s a limitation of how many people will be comfortable.
Erin Davis: You do want people to be comfortable in your home, but only so many will fit on your couch.
Katie: I think about hospitality burnout. We have a friend that opens up her home all the time for every event because twenty-five of us fit in her living room. But, thinking through it now, I just can't imagine always having to be the one to host every Bible study. She never complains; she’s so sweet.
Erin: The beauty of hospitality is when it’s reciprocal, right? You give and I give, and you give and I receive; we go back and forth. So I do think that’s part of what leads to hospitality burnout, and somebody saying, consciously or unconsciously, “I’m done! I’m not going to host anything for awhile.” What were you going to say about hospitality challenges?
Hannah Claggett: I think sometimes when you dig back into it, it’s the enemy. There’s this thought, Is anyone going to show up? Should I offer this? Or you think a successful event is ten people plus, or something like that. But there have been so many times when the most successful time is just me and two other people. Success is a silly word. The most intentional or hospitable time can be with any number of people.
Erin: That’s good. I definitely have felt like I’ve failed or I’m disappointed. One year for Halloween we were going to do an outdoor movie. It’s cold for Halloween where I live, and we had a really low turnout. I felt like I’d failed. But, you’re right, there were people there. We enjoyed it.
Hannah: What did it mean to the people who did show up? Sometimes we focus too much on the people who don’t show up.
Erin: When it comes to hospitality, I don’t think more is always “more.” If we’re seeking to show the Lord’s heart, He can be so intimate and focused on the one. That’s a little bit harder for us, I think.
Other challenges of single women in a big city trying to live out what you see in the Bible about hospitality?
Joanna: I think keeping my place clean enough. Like, “Okay, now I’m okay with sharing . . .” I was listening to a podcast, and the hosts were sharing how sometimes wanting your house so perfect is because it’s a reflection of you, and maybe you have an idol about how you’re coming across. This was kind of striking for me.
Katie: How do you get to the point where it feels clean enough, or you’re good with, “Yeah, it’s time.” How do you get there?
Joanna: I think my mom has been a good example of this. My dad leads a house group for his church, and my mom said, “We’re just okay with it now. The space where everybody sits, we vacuum that area and get rid of the extraneous stuff. But they might see other parts of the house that are less clean.” What is the purpose of the hospitality? It’s not to show off my beautiful house, it’s for people to come and have fellowship and encouragement.
Jennifer: And something you were saying, Hannah, about the people who are there versus the people who are not there. It’s taking our focus off of yourself and putting it on the people who are coming. That’s one thing my mom used to say when we were young, “A house is meant to be lived in.” I think that’s the most comfortable, too, when you come to a comfy space versus something you’re going to see in a magazine.
Erin: I have to actually remind myself, “Nobody is coming to film a magazine shoot today. That’s not the purpose!” When there is a magazine shoot at a home, that’s not real! But I feel comfortable in homes that are comfortable. When everything is perfect, there’s a level of discomfort within the space. We all know we have dirt, I don’t know why we have such hangups about it . . . but we do.
What do you think is distinct about Christian—or we could call it biblical—hospitality?
Hannah: A big part that kind of comes to mind for me is searching for the person who is by themselves and reaching out to people who need the hospitality. I feel like it’s easy to be hospitable to your best friends, but it takes more effort to reach out to that one person.
Erin: So it’s missional hospitality in a way.
Hannah: That’s actually how Jennifer and I met.
Erin: Who was alone?
Hannah: Jennifer. There was a Tuesday night Bible study that the church has, maybe, three hundred people show up to. My small group showed up with the intention of seeking people who were by themselves.
Erin: So you had a conversation before you went in. You said, “As a group, we’re going to seek those out who look like they’re by themselves.
Hannah: Yes.
Erin: That’s amazing to me! That takes a lot of forethought.
Hannah: So we were like, “Come join us!” I think I had spotted Jennifer halfway through the service or so, thinking, Okay, there she is! [to Jennifer] As we were ending, I think I probably just followed you out and invited you to a Sunday morning service. You can give your perspective as well, but it was this really cool story, and now we’re here today! She ended up showing up that next Sunday. And even the kind of complicated, silly part of that was that she accidentally went to the wrong Sunday school class that Sunday morning.
Jennifer: The church is so big!
Hannah: She showed up to a class of people that were ten years younger than us, which was kind of funny, but sought us out. They were hospitable for her to stay.
Erin: I love that story. [to Jennifer] What is your perspective? What do you remember about that?
Jennifer: I would say, too, (Hannah touched on this) there’s just so much intentionality behind what we do in the church. We seek to be image-bearers. Instead of putting on a show, a more worldly perspective, having people come over, making people feel how fancy you are and all the nice things you have, but instead, seeing how God, when we seek Him, He shows up intertwining in all of our paths. Hannah had done that.
Little did she know I was in a season of life where I literally had zero girlfriends. I was in a Bible study with women who were much older than me. I do believe God specifically put me there at that time. It was a time that I needed—women with deep roots. Little did they know that that weekend before I had prayed with my sister, who goes to our current church, about leaving my church in Katy to come there, even though I knew zero people. I met with the pastor’s wife that weekend and told her, “I’ll be leaving the church in Katy and going to this big church in the city.”
And then I was walking out that Tuesday night and Hannah came up behind me and said, “Were you sitting alone?” It was just like one of those God things, the way He never disappoints. I feel like that was a very, very selfless act, to be like, “Okay, we’re not here to get what we can get tonight, but we’re looking for someone else,” and God honored that.
Erin: So beautiful! I heard someone (I don’t know who) say once, “Someone sitting alone in a church service is an emergency!” And I love that visual! We should all be on high alert. Of course, not just when they’re in our church building, but there are lonely people in church. There are disconnected people in church; there are hurting people in church. Your story illustrates how just one simple act of talking to somebody you don’t know and asking makes such a big difference. Did you feel awkward in that moment? Did you feel scared?
Hannah: That’s a good question. I was like, “You know what? We’re doing it! Here we go!” (laughter) I feel like I had the whole, probably thirty minutes, of looking at Jennifer in the front row, to think, Okay, what am I going to say? And then she continued to just show up and show up and show up. Then it was time to start a small group, and I begged behind the scenes to be part of her small group. Then Katie was part of our small group, and now, here we are today!
Erin: I love it!
Katie: One of the first people who welcomed me into our class was Jennifer, and it just continues. If you ask a lot of the women now, “Who was your introduction into our group?” a lot of it goes back to these two. It started with Hannah, it was received by Jennifer, but they both continue to multiply it. It’s really sweet.
Dannah: That’s my friend, Erin Davis, and a group of friends going through a new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts called “You’re Welcome Here.” Imagine doing what these ladies just did: getting together to go through this study, exploring what God’s Word has to say about hospitality, and learning alongside each other.
We’d like to help you do that. When you make a donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts, we’ll say “thank you” by sending you a copy of this study on hospitality. Again, it’s called You’re Welcome Here. There’s an excellent video series to go with it, too. All the information is at ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality. Be sure to request your free copy of You’re Welcome Here when you make your donation.
It’s a sad fact that here in 2024, we still have groups or classes of people who are excluded, ostracized, marginalized. Tomorrow, Nancy will help us see everyone like Jesus sees them. She’ll continue this wonderful series on hospitality. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.
This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.
All Scripture is taken from the NKJV unless otherwise noted.
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